رایتینگ تصحیح شده آیلتس : نمونه شماره یک، تسک اول آکادمیک

رایتینگ تصحیح شده آیلتس

حتما می دانید که رمز موفقیت در بخش رایتینگ آیلتس تمرین بسیار و آشنایی با موضوعات آن است. یکی دیگر از راهکارهایی که به شما کمک می کند بتوانید رایتینگ خودتان را از دید یک مصحح ببینید و کیفیت آن را بسنجید، دیدن نمونه های تصحیح شده آن است. در این سری از پست ها قصد داریم نمونه هایی از رایتینگ تصحیح شده آیلتس را ارائه دهیم. 

سوال تسک

The graph below compares the number of visits to two now music sites on the web.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

متن اصلی نمونه مقاله

پیش از اینکه متن تصحیح شده را بخوانید، توصیه می کنیم به نمونه پاسخ اصلی نگاهی بیاندازید و سعی کنید اشکالات آن را شناسایی کنید:

The line graph provides information in comparison to how many Internet users visiting two new music websites namely Music Choice and Pop Parade on fifteen days.

It is noticeable that the figures for both websites fluctuate violently during this period. However, a much larger number of people visiting Pop Parade compared to Music Choice.

On first day, the amount of users choosing Pop Parade position at precisely 120000 people, is three times higher than that of Music Choice with 40000 users. Later, the figure for Pop Parade experience a considerable and rapid
decline to a low of approximately 35000 people on seventh day while the number of Internet users accessing to Music Choice oscillate slightly around 30000 people until day 11.

In the latter half of this period, the amount of visits to Pop Parade soars up suddenly and dramatically to approximately 150000 people on eleventh day before fall abruptly and remains relatively constant until day 13. On the last day, this figure doubles and peaks at around 170000 visits and the gap between two websites in question is widened significantly.

نمونه تصحیح شده

The line graph provides information in comparison to about (“in comparison to” is used when you compare the items) how many Internet users visiting two new music websites namely Music Choice and Pop Parade on fifteen
days.
It is noticeable that the figures for both websites fluctuate violently during this period. However, a much larger number of people visiting Pop Parade compared to Music Choice.

On first day, the amount of users choosing Pop Parade positions stands (“position” is acceptable but it is not really accurate as it means put/arrange) at precisely 120000 people , which is three times higher than that of Music
Choice with 40000 users. Later, the figure for Pop Parade experiences a considerable and rapid decline to a low of approximately 35000 people on seventh day while the number of Internet users accessing to (“access” with
prepositions when access is used as a noun) Music Choice oscillates slightly around 30000 people until day 11.

In the latter half of this period, the amount of visits to Pop Parade soars up suddenly and dramatically to approximately 150000 people on eleventh day before falling abruptly and remains relatively constant until day 13. On the other hand, after 4 days remaining at less than 40000, the figure of Music Choice recovers to 120000 and stabilizes at 120000. On the last day, this figure the number of the former doubles and peaks at around 170000 visits and the gap between two websites in question is widened significantly.

مطالب زیر نیز مفید اند:

نکات رایتینگ آیلتس : تسک دوم رایتینگ آیلتس آکادمیک (23)

نوشتن نامه در رایتینگ آیلتس : عبارات پرکاربرد و مهم